Weirded out...

I have noticed in these past two weeks a trend that is fucking scaring the
hell out of me. Lately a bunch of thoughts are popping up in my brain even when I'm not thinking (or don't want to think) about those things.
What the fuck?!?!
Is like... let's say I'm in the kitchen fixing breakfast then all of a sudden
I start thinking stuff that brings me down, I start to cry like a bitch but
the thing is that I'm not really aware of it... it's weird ... it's like I'm crying,
I'm "thinking" about things but I'm actually not FEELING any pain, any sorrow, any anything... I just cry... WTF?!?!? I mean ... I don't know what it means.
I think I need to do something, express or channel my feelings to someone...
Do I need to scream?
Do I need to fight?
What the fuck do I need?
It's weirding me out.

But ... I've been weird all my life...
Even since I was just a child.
Heck, I remember the first time I felt weird (and made someone else feel weird in the process!). I was in seventh grade I believe (or sixth) and a good friend came to me early in the morning (at school) celebrating! He said: "Guess what, guess what!?"
And I was like: "Well... you had a game yesterday and your team won 27 to 26 because you made the final basket..." ... ... he was like... WTF?!?!? Yeah... I came up with things like that out of nowhere (of course this is just a stupid example as I would not like to go into details about more serious stuff).
So weird stuff is not new to me but still I feel different every time....

Maybe it's a sign?!?
Will something happen to me that will shatter my conceptions about myself, the world, my friends?!?
Will something happen to someone I love and will it fuck up my life as a result?
I don't know why I'm feeling these things.
Maybe I'll know one of these days.
Hopefully it will come sooner rather than later because it's killing me...