Another go ... boom ... I'm always fu$#%..

So ... I'm feeling kind of down right now.
Hearsay, phone call, shit ... I heard ... and it sucks.
How come my efforts turn into shit.
Not one but ALL OF THEM.
Is it luck?
Is it me?
Is it something else?
....
...

Why lie? Just say what you have in mind.
You think it's going to hurt?
It will hurt even more if I figure out your lies ... but you
were busy thinking only who to fuck and I'm not on that list.
Am I not pretty enough?
Am I not cool enough?
Am I not sincere enough?
Did I scare you by saying what I said?
Did I make you run away by simply saying the truth?
Maybe you did not liked my serious side (and yes I have one)
and you just pushed me away (as if I would refuse anything you offer).
If you wanted to have fun, I would have been there for you.
If you wanted to get fucked, I would have complied like no one else.
But still I'm here in pain with no offers whatsoever thinking
who you are fucking and wishing I was him! .. pathetic isn't it?
And I will feel rejected even if you have a good excuse!
You could have told me anything! I was counting on that!
And I'm still here mad to the point ... I want to cry ... I want to scream.
Don't want to try no more ... don't want anything now.
Why didn't you just told me you didn't want anything with me?
Fuck it .. say: "I just don't like you!"
It would have been better! Of course I was going to be thinking:
Am I not good enough?
Am I not pretty enough?
Am I not sincere enough?
But I wouldn't feel as bad as I do right now.
I can fucking assure you that no one can give you what I'm offering
that no one feels even a little percent of what I feel for you.
But even if I told you all this you probably would be thinking of
who you are going to fuck and I am not on that list and probably never will!
So ... do you understand what you have just done?
Do you even fucking care?
I don't think you do!
I don't think you ... ever did!
I don't think no more ... don't want to think no more ... fucking 10,000 questions!
Fuck this that I feel.
Fuck the way I am, don't want to be myself but can't be anything else... OH
the FUCKING IRONY of it all...
I have shed my first tear for you .. it will be the last .. don't expect more ..
you are definitely NOT! worth my love ... you fucked up whore.!


.
.
.

A Wilhelm Scream : => "Apologize to who I touch, I could have ruined you too but I was beaten to the punch. Hug what? Why should I care who you go fuck? "

Better than I expected...

So, as you all might be aware of, I had a meeting with my boss
to discuss my performance this past year. Now, I was expecting a raise
in my salary of at least 3k and it turned out to be more so that's cool,
I'm happy! Still, I ordered like 4 books from Amazon because I feel
like a dumb-ass when it comes to programming ... I'm so behind!
But for now, I'm staying here.

Yesterday I watched the movie Crash.
It is well directed with great actors and deals with one topic I really really
hate which is rascism. This movie is no American History X or The Color Purple but
it depicts the reality of what goes on in the U.S.

This weekend I bought more music cds including The Postal Service - Give Up and
Nightmare of You. Both are good but still Acceptance is at the top of my list for cds I have bought lately (I haven't gone home and gotten my new Juliana Theory disc so maybe Acceptance will get some rest.)
I also preordered Thrice - Vheissu and Say Anything Is a Real Boy (both of them limited editions).

Oh, I almost forgot!
Since I'm an active member of the Sports Team in the company, I organized a few of the guys to go play at a tournament and we won First Place!
Yep! Then I couldn't even walk for like 2 days! hehehehehe

That's all for now.

I've been feeling kind of depressed as of late and can't seem to find anything
to get my mind off of things. Tried exercising, music, etc. nothing seems to push these feelings away... Dammit.

More pictures...

Hello guys.

Since I'm bored at work, I updated the Photos section again
this time with pictures from the last time I went to Jobos Beach here
in Isabela with the guys from work. We had a good time.
Visit the Pictures Section and go to Friends.

I don't have anything new to report only that tomorrow will be the
day I meet up with me boss! Wish me luck guys! ;)

Also, it seems it has been a loooong time since I have posted anything
somber or dark or just simply something that doesn't make sense to you guys (well, they make sense to me!) but I will probably start again. I guess
I need some new "ideas" to put them on mp3s!! ;)

Well, that's all for now.

Now it is fully updated ...

I told you that the update was going to be completed soon.
So now you can look at the new pictures from Carlos and Ramon weddings
(no ... they did not marry each other), my High School Reunion from last month
and a party at a friend's house.

I have some more pictures from the last time I went to the beach
this summer but I haven't created the pages yet.
I have the pictures though so maybe by next week if I feel up to it, I'll do it.
(or who knows if this same week).

Also, this week is my meeting with my boss and we will discuss
my performance throughout the whole year (well I guess since the day I joined the company back in July 04) and we will be talking in this language $$$$.
So this week I will decide what to do with my life and what I will do
in the future. I'm hoping that the discussion goes well and that the
$$$$ flows nicely because I love this place and love the West Coast. If it
doesn't go like I want, I will probably be here till January or February (until
I polish my programming skills again) and then look for other oportunities.
Let's see... I'll keep you posted.

Bye.

Not completely updated yet...

yes I know there are still missing links and pics.
Just wait dammit! :p

In other news, I am so so close to buying Nintendogs (a cute puppy game
for the Nintendo DS gaming system). Am I gay? hehehehe or did I just showed
my passion for doggies?

You will never know (I guess everyone is aiming at the gay comment though).