End of vacation... memories...

So, back to work again.
I feel like I took so long of a vacation. I didn't like it.
I didn't do anything out of the ordinary. I did visited family and whatnot
but still, I felt bored, ... actually... I think I just feel incomplete!

While I was there, I started to throw away of bunch of stuff I had lying around my bedroom (my mom wants to change stuff around) and then ... started to find old pictures (when I was in like first grade or something), poems, cassette tapes and even letters. Letters?!?!
Yep. I had forgotten how many friends I had over there. I mean, letters from a friend that went on vacation to Hawaii one summer... I had those. Reminiscing a little I think I even called her over there. Man... how time goes by... so... after this (and checking my old University e-mail account) random thoughts started popping in my head. You know? The what-ifs!

What if .....?
What if .....?
What if .....?

And the answer to all of those what ifs.... I can just say that I'm regretting a lot of things.
I regret not taking the time to think things through.
I regret not waking up from the nightmare I was living my 2nd year (and which still lingers and hurts me so much as to impede that I behave certain way... a different way).

I noticed that I loved.
I noticed that I was loved.
(and I'm not taking just about personal relationships).

But I got tired of thinking so I stopped the randomness in my head by bashing it against the wall... ok ... that was a lie. But I stopped thinking... took a look at my old keyboard ... and started playing... I noticed that I suck but still that didn't stopped me. While I was playing, started thinking again. How can I apply all that I've learned in the past (especially that fucking 2nd year of College... damn did it messed me up!) to what's happening now?

I will try.
I'll try not to repeat the same mistake.
I'll try not to fix or attach myself to non-attainable things (be it my career, my life, my friends, etc.). I mean, I did this once and it was all bad.... MALISIMO!!
Now, this doesn't mean that I wont care... I care A LOT... probably more than anyone in the whole wide world but I'll just stay put... stay calm... better said than done but... who knows!? I definitely need to avoid the same stupid thing.

I feel like I've talked a lot and have not said shit.
But it's probably for the best.
You don't need to know my problems (which most of them are created by none other than me) or my self-inflicted painful situations.

Anyway, I'll post something later.
Want to work on a new creation / poem / song / crap.

Bye

I really don't understand it...

I'm baffled.
Confused.
Lost, really.
How could someone who appears to have no future suddenly gets everything?
Could someone explain that to me?
I should become a bum, motherfucking asshole to see if I run into the same lucky streak!
JEEESSSUSSSS..
I'm going to convert or something.
Maybe that will help! hehehehe Who knows?

I'll be working on refining some lyrics this week since I'm on vacation.
I'll probably re-record a bunch of stuff also. Thinking of ordering a new effects
thingie for my guitar, to add more layering... now all I need is drums and this Christmas break I'll work on something different for me.

I'll post later.
Check.

You make me come...

yeaaaah yeaaaahhh
you make me complete...
yeeeaaah yeeeaaahh
you make me completely miserable!

I was listening to Lit the other day. Good band.
I haven't done anything this past week. Got a few movies in the mail,
good stuff. Kiss kiss bang bang, Bruiser, Silent Hill, Resurrection, Black Rain,
Running Scared and Audition. That last one was done by Takashi Miike and it's a disturbing tale! Really... just like his other ones ;-)

On other fronts, I don't know. I guess I'm ok.
Everything that the Tarot guy said to my sister at the beginning of the year has more or less happenned. (which sucks) And now the year is coming to an end and I feel just as shitty as ever. That's why I always say that it is the SAD acting up on me! (look for Seasonal Affective Disorder to know more). It's always the same. My sleep pattern starts to change usually on Summers and Winters, I start to feel down, etc. etc. I definitely think that some time (maybe a couple of months) in a mental hospital will do me good! lol
I don't know... I will take some vacation days this month... try an enjoy something.

Anyway, talk to "youse" later.

Gelocks.