Happy New Year!!!!

Title says it all!!

My, my, my... how fast does time goes by!
I'll be turning 27 this next year!
You believe that shit!
TWENTY-FUCKING-SEVEN!!!!!

It sucks ass... I made a poem...

It Sucks Ass

How fast time goes by!
Yep, time does sucks ass.
You don't even notice how time flies
until you wake up one morning and realize
that it sucks ass.

You were 21 just a couple of years ago.
And you noticed that as you've gotten old, you've gotten worse,
and that sucks major ass.

What will it be of me this year?
Being 27 strikes me with fear...
and this sucks ass.

Will I die in 2007?
Will I smile in 2007?
Will I cry in 2007?
All of the above in 2007?
Uncertainty is a bitch every year (including 2007)
will I lose everything I hold dear?
I don't know and it sucks ass!

As you can plainly see
it seems I have nothing else to do.
Well, you couldn't be more right,
but if you are reading this you are an old bitch and are bored just like I am too.

And THAT SUCKS ASS my friend!!! hehehehehe

Happy New Year.
All the bad, put it to bed...
You can take a big bowl, fill it up with water and throw the bad things in it.
After the clock turns to 12am, take the big bowl or whatever and throw the water on the street.

Who said I am supersticious?!?!?!

Check.

Feliz Navidad...

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!

Hopefully you got what you wanted and you are spending your time with the people you love/like/want. So if you are one of the lucky fews, I HATE YOU!!! hehehehe Just kidding.

Bye.

Vacation time....

Is that time of the year again...
What will I do apart from eating (food and shit), sleeping and taking dumps?
Not much I guess. Let's see:

1. "Parreandear" with my family probably.
2. Go to Hugo's party on the 23rd.
3. See if the M3 Player arrives and play DS.
4. Check banks for my future mortgage loan.
5. Wait for the new year to arrive
6. Go back to work again

And after that, repeat last year ad-nauseum.

All in all I think I've had a pretty interesting year. Tarot cards don't lie my friends! hehehehe I will probably make a list of fucked up things that happened to me this year, study it and see if I don't repeat any of those this coming year. Hey! I can do it... I think!

What else... I was bored the other night and re-recorded a couple of songs including an oldie but goodie (at least to me) which sounds much better than the version I have on my webpage (which BTW I will remove all of those). Recorded 2 new songs... one with Piano which I hate because my keyboard is almost older than me and the Midi sound is so freaking nasty! Anyway, I'm going to plug myself and direct you to my soundclick page:

http://www.soundclick.com/gelocks

Put up the updated version of "Only Doubts" and a new one I believe.

Anyway, that's all for now. See you later...

P.S. Congrats to the F135 team on a succesful First Flight!! hehehee WOOOHOOOO!!! Awesome.

Seguir tratando? Vale la pena? Don't know...

Entiendo, entiendo ya por fin y aunque tomo mucho tiempo todo llegara hasta aqui.
Para que seguir tratando para quehacerte fingir, para que tratar de hacerte ver lo que no quieres ver en mi (o lo que nunca vas a ver)?
Son muy pocas las opciones que tengo.
I give up... Me resigno, te sacare de mi (tratare) pues ya tu lo hiciste conmigo y no importo mucho para ti (al menos eso creo). No vale la pena seguir perdiendo el tiempo... sabiendo que el resultado sera igual... "no te aprecio, no me importas, la cagaste so mamao!".
Quizas estoy asumiendo muchas cosas y no tengo data suficiente como para llegar a esta conclusion pero Nada es lo mismo, nada es igual por mas que yo quiera que lo sea. Y mira que he tratado pero al ver que no pones de tu parte (por que en realidad no tienes que poner na ni un carajo), al ver la indiferencia, me mata pero lo haces con razon al menos.
Me gustaria escuchar algun dia:"HOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, de verdad ni me mires" y yo con gusto aceptaria, creo que hasta mas facil se me haria! No enviare mas cartas, ni exclamare te amos aunque sea la verdad. Pues me canse de tratar, me canse de llegar, a la misma calle sin salida donde arranque. No es justo ... (en realidad si lo es) ... siento que con mis acercamientos lo que hago es perder el tiempo, hacerte perder el tiempo, hacerte pensar en cosas para sacarme del paso y la situacion no creo que cambie... al menos YO no la puedo cambiar, solo tu puedes cambiarla y lo mas cool de todo es que se (nuevamente asumiendo)que no quieres cambiarla.

Que ironia hostia, que las personas son capaces de amar a una personay joderlas a la misma vez!!! WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hehehehehe
Me quito!

Pero yo se que el destino me ayudara a lidiar con la partida o con la perdida por que el vacio se siente grandemente desde hace tiempo. Yo sabia que tenia que pasar algo para darme cuenta de las cosas. A laverdad que puedo ser inteligente pa unas cosas pero para otras soy mas bruto que la misma vizne!!!!Yo se que un dia de estos ganare y de seguro que el mismo error no cometere! Pero... como duele...... TIME MACHINE PLEASE!

**viaje mode**
la la la la la la....
....
...
..
.
la la la la
......
....
...
..
.
** end of trip **

Por eso hace tiempito hablaba de The Sound

http://gelocks.topcities.com/2006/09/sound.html

Por que siento como si estuviese sordo, como si no existiera y nuevamente con razon y en cierto modo me alegro sentirme asi por que hay ciertos limites... sinceramente creo que esa es la UNICA cancion que he creado que me gusta. No fue como que tuve que inspirarme e inventar mierdas para hacerla... todo fluyo como cuando coges una borrachera y chonkeas relaaa.
Gracias a esta mierda que escribo estoy haciendo otra... a ver si uso el pianito de mierda que tengo esta vez, pero le voy a dar un spin a la cancion...

En conclusion, y pa resumir esta mierda:

1. No es lo mismo, no es igual
2. Estaba tratando pero no aflojaron ni pal carajo
3. Me canse de tratar pues se que al final nada voy a lograr y el resultado sera igual.
4. Me quedare "sordo", pero...

"I know I'll hear somehow, that sound I used to hear... though NOTdirected at me, one of my biggest fears"

5. Quiero una maquina de tiempo... pa vivir en los tripiar con samurais en Japon!!!!
6. Tengo trabajo con cojones....
7. Soy mas bruto que la mismisima vizne.
8. Ya es navidad.
9. Tengo que coger vacaciones.
10. Tengo que comprarme una puta casa.
11. "There's no undo button here!!!!! DAAAMNNNNN!!!"
12. Por mi madre que dejo de hablar mierda... pero solo por un tiempito
13. "Posteare" The Sound un dia de estos (cuando le baje el size del MP3).
14. Por que carajo no escribi en ingles?!? Voy a recibir de nuevo un mensaje por email diciendo: "bitch! Translate!" hehehehehe
15. Por que hostia hice una lista para el puto resumen?! Por mi madre que estoy "pain drunk" ...
16. Que hostia es pain-drunk?!?!
17. Que jodio quejon de mierda caramba!!!!!!!!

Bye.

End of vacation... memories...

So, back to work again.
I feel like I took so long of a vacation. I didn't like it.
I didn't do anything out of the ordinary. I did visited family and whatnot
but still, I felt bored, ... actually... I think I just feel incomplete!

While I was there, I started to throw away of bunch of stuff I had lying around my bedroom (my mom wants to change stuff around) and then ... started to find old pictures (when I was in like first grade or something), poems, cassette tapes and even letters. Letters?!?!
Yep. I had forgotten how many friends I had over there. I mean, letters from a friend that went on vacation to Hawaii one summer... I had those. Reminiscing a little I think I even called her over there. Man... how time goes by... so... after this (and checking my old University e-mail account) random thoughts started popping in my head. You know? The what-ifs!

What if .....?
What if .....?
What if .....?

And the answer to all of those what ifs.... I can just say that I'm regretting a lot of things.
I regret not taking the time to think things through.
I regret not waking up from the nightmare I was living my 2nd year (and which still lingers and hurts me so much as to impede that I behave certain way... a different way).

I noticed that I loved.
I noticed that I was loved.
(and I'm not taking just about personal relationships).

But I got tired of thinking so I stopped the randomness in my head by bashing it against the wall... ok ... that was a lie. But I stopped thinking... took a look at my old keyboard ... and started playing... I noticed that I suck but still that didn't stopped me. While I was playing, started thinking again. How can I apply all that I've learned in the past (especially that fucking 2nd year of College... damn did it messed me up!) to what's happening now?

I will try.
I'll try not to repeat the same mistake.
I'll try not to fix or attach myself to non-attainable things (be it my career, my life, my friends, etc.). I mean, I did this once and it was all bad.... MALISIMO!!
Now, this doesn't mean that I wont care... I care A LOT... probably more than anyone in the whole wide world but I'll just stay put... stay calm... better said than done but... who knows!? I definitely need to avoid the same stupid thing.

I feel like I've talked a lot and have not said shit.
But it's probably for the best.
You don't need to know my problems (which most of them are created by none other than me) or my self-inflicted painful situations.

Anyway, I'll post something later.
Want to work on a new creation / poem / song / crap.

Bye

I really don't understand it...

I'm baffled.
Confused.
Lost, really.
How could someone who appears to have no future suddenly gets everything?
Could someone explain that to me?
I should become a bum, motherfucking asshole to see if I run into the same lucky streak!
JEEESSSUSSSS..
I'm going to convert or something.
Maybe that will help! hehehehe Who knows?

I'll be working on refining some lyrics this week since I'm on vacation.
I'll probably re-record a bunch of stuff also. Thinking of ordering a new effects
thingie for my guitar, to add more layering... now all I need is drums and this Christmas break I'll work on something different for me.

I'll post later.
Check.

You make me come...

yeaaaah yeaaaahhh
you make me complete...
yeeeaaah yeeeaaahh
you make me completely miserable!

I was listening to Lit the other day. Good band.
I haven't done anything this past week. Got a few movies in the mail,
good stuff. Kiss kiss bang bang, Bruiser, Silent Hill, Resurrection, Black Rain,
Running Scared and Audition. That last one was done by Takashi Miike and it's a disturbing tale! Really... just like his other ones ;-)

On other fronts, I don't know. I guess I'm ok.
Everything that the Tarot guy said to my sister at the beginning of the year has more or less happenned. (which sucks) And now the year is coming to an end and I feel just as shitty as ever. That's why I always say that it is the SAD acting up on me! (look for Seasonal Affective Disorder to know more). It's always the same. My sleep pattern starts to change usually on Summers and Winters, I start to feel down, etc. etc. I definitely think that some time (maybe a couple of months) in a mental hospital will do me good! lol
I don't know... I will take some vacation days this month... try an enjoy something.

Anyway, talk to "youse" later.

Gelocks.

Wrong side....

of the bed.
I feel pissed, no reason whatsoever.
(Actually, I have some real reasons for being pissed but I'm not taking them into consideration! ;-))
Maybe I'm pissed because I was having such a great dream and just when
everything was clicking someone fucked up the flow (inside the dream), and I woke up. Maybe I'm pissed at that person in real life because the way depicted in the dream is the real way he is! Fucker!! :-p
Maybe, JUST MAYBE, I wanted to stay home...

This weekend wasn't as uneventful as others. Friday I went out with a couple of friends, had a good time. Got home at 10:00am after sleeping for a bit at a friend's house and I woke up much more later than usual! lol
After that, PS2 time. (Yeah... I'm such a geek!)

Sunday I had a Chin-Na seminar.
I thought it was going to cover more stuff but it was good exercise anyway!
Who would have thought that I would wake up at 7am, Sunday Morning, to go to a Kung Fu class! hehehehe I didn't!

After this, I finally finished Dragon Quest VIII. My God... I put in like 80 gaming hours into this shit! Good game, kind of kiddie but ... what game isn't? Maybe the Shinji Megami Tensei series... though I haven't played them.

Anyway, I'm going to start working now.
See you later.


P.S. If you have sent an email to my other accounts, I'll check them this week
probably (you know who I'm talking to!)

Untitled...

Yeah.
Right back in P.R.
This sucks.
You know what, I think I definitely need to get the hell out of this place!
I think I REALLY need a change of pace, of lifestyle, of whatever.
This past week it felt really good being in an unknown place meeting people and
hang out, etc. I think this is all I need. But what should I do now?
Should I just stand up and go?
Should I plan something?
Should I stay?
Hmmmmm... tough!

And goddammit!!!
I couldn't pre-order the Wii!!!
I didn't even know that pre-orders were going to start this month!!!
ARRRRGH~!~!! I haven't found any place with pre-orders left!!! Not one!
Oh well...

Going to CT...

Tomorrow I'm going to CT for some classes regarding the Engine
I'm working on. Although it's just for a week, I guess it's a good change,
right? Right?
I'm working on updating some songs and creating some others.
I have the forms to copyright more songs.
Anyway, this will be short.
I'll probably wont write in a week or two.

See you later guys!

Started drinking again...

So, one of my office buddies wanted me to go and hang out.
I didn't planned on drinking but hey, whatever.
I will still take it slow.
Went out this weekend (Saturday) but did not drink much at all.

So, I didn't do anything out of the ordinary this weekend.
I did recorded "The Sound".
If you have read this blog, a couple of weeks or so ago I made a post
with "some kind" of poem. I printed that out, took it home and made it into
a song. Ortographic errors abound which translate into musical errors like:
"with my head down, looking at the worms in the ground
(feeling like one, walking like one."

WTF?!?! Since when do worms walk?!?!?!?
Yeah...

I'll post it later in the week or sometime.
Bye.

Starting to hate Aguadilla...

SO... yesterday I took the day to clean up the apartment a little.
Took out the screens, washed them, the windows also, the kitchen, the bathroom, etc.
Went to get a haircut, they were closing as I got there.
Anyway, I figured that I was going to eat shit the rest of the day so I started playing with my PS2 (and no guys, this is not my dick's pet name... perverts) and all of a sudden.... sssshuuuuuuummmmm... no electricity. It came like at 9pm or so.
I played a movie, went to bed, and at 2:30am... ssshuuuuummmmmm... dammit!!!
Dammit all to hell!

7:10am, Still no lights.
Had a pathetic breakfast.
Pissed as hell 'cause I did not sleep (I haven't been sleeping well for almost 2 months now anyway but still, at least I was not sweaty all of those times).
Arrgh!

At least I had water... :rolleyes:

Bad start this week.
It should pick up hopefully.

And finally, WOOOOOHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I passed my second "con fu" exam on Friday.
But I wanted to fight and get my ass kicked! Guess I have to wait for the next one! :-(


That's all.
See ya!

Two posts in one day... personal record?!?!?

Wow!!
My heart is beating fast, I can't barely breathe... I just read something so lame and selfish that I cannot believe someone so beautiful and intelligent could have ever written it.

Wow!!
I don't even know what to say.

It seems...

that my "surrogate" mother is doing fine.
She is already home and feeling alright, just talked to her
yesterday. Now, my real mother had an operation on Tuesday for her
"bum" knees. Damn... I better bring some "nietos (as)" to these gals before
they get even more fucked!!! ;-)

Today, I don't know if I have my Kung Fu exam.
If I do, I hope they put me to fight!
I feel like I need someone to kick my ass!

This weekend... I plan on doing shit.
Well, actually, my apartment is a mess.
I plan to wash all the windows, screens, floors, etc.
I guess that if I start early I could be finish by 1pm !!!! :-p

So, I received my "upgraded" paycheck last week (or the one before that...
I don't even remember).

I haven't bought anything for myself yet. Have spent some in gasoline for the car, food from the supermarket, bills, etc. but have not spent a penny for myself.
Maybe this weekend I'll drive to Mayaguez or somewhere and spend my hard-earned dollars... ok ok ... maybe not HARD-EARNED but just earned. ;-)

Haven't been drinking for a while, and my uncle came from the US. This guy is a heavy drinker since he was a teenager... almost a bum! ;-) But was a guitar God and he has such a natural second voice that gives you chills. In fact, he played and sang with big P.R. bohemia stars I believe (my dad knows the stories). Anyway, I hope to spend some time with him in my next visit to Guayama, just for the heck of it. Who knows, maybe I end up like him! lol ... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!

Don't know what else to say so ... if anyone is reading this, just post something, anything, I don't care if it is stupid, or if you flame me, etc. I just want to read
stupid replies... in fact, I'll browse the internet looking for stupid blogs or something and will post them here! lol

Bye.

So it gets worse....

Damn it!
Damn it all to hell (like Mr. Garrison from South Park would say).

So yesterday I received I call from my mom:

"Gelito, apunta este numero de Carmin pa que la llames manana!"

In my mind:

"Who the hell is Carmin?!?!?!"

Then she goes off saying that my mother (my other one) is in intensive
care in the hospital in Guayama but that she is stable and to call my sister
for more information today... this sucks. Still don't know if I should go home
after this... I guess I'll decide after I make the call.

This is definitely ri-goddamned-diculous, this year sucks... 2006 should be
completely erased ...

Just when I was going to throw everything away.... hehehehe yeah.

Stop feeling sorry for your damn self.... BITCH!!!

Yeah...
Title says it all I think.
Do I have to say more?
Naaaaahhh fuck it.

The sound...

Everything feels dull when you're not around,
I feel just so numb thinking of these things out loud.
All that I lost, I still haven't found,
So I'll still be missing, ... will not make a sound.

Too bad... there's no undo button here,
and with my head down, looking at worms in the ground,
feeling like one, walking like one, I feel the need, I want you near
but I guess it's a sure thing, I wont hear a sound...

I'm deaf, I'm dumb, I'm lost... scratch that I lost.
So close and yet so far,
clinging to loneliness, clinging to nothing at all.
Staring at my wall,
hearing the crickets, hearing coquies,
hearing the leaves as the wind with complete disregard for them make their touch.
They are not making a sound, it's all in my head, just like her... don't like this much.

Still I look at the bright side, wait, is there any?
Still I'm trying to forget...
And yes... all of it I regret..
There's nothing I can do now,
all I can do is miss,
perfection in my eyes
and I know I'll hear somehow,
that sound I use to hear,
though not directed at me... one of my biggest fears.

I guess I will be pleased, actually, I guess I wont.
I want to run away from this fucking town.
I want to crawl away from my fucking skin.
too bad that wont do, and I'll end up in the ground
like those fucking little worms, without hearing that sound
that was close to my heart, made me feel alive, it wont be around.

I think I just bought the Record of the Year....

I knew this music CD was going to be good, but no... it is AWESOME!!

Park - Building a better ___(noun)______

Even from the title of the disc, you know you will expect something great.
The songs are neatly arranged, Ladd lyrics are awesome and it definitely tops
their last cd "It wont snow where you're going". I'm currently in love
with Track number 5 titled: "A message". It has everything!
Harmony -- check
Good lyrics -- check
Good vocals -- check
Good background vocals -- check
Ass-kicking guitar licks -- check
Poppy/Catchy sound -- check
I just love it.

I got South Park season 8 this weekend and in a couple of minutes I'm going out to buy the Second Season of Lost... I guess I'll be pretty busy these upcoming weeks!
I'm feeling like a geek again. Playing PS2 and DS, watching movies, going to Kung Fu, playing basketball, etc. All that is missing: PC Addiction but I don't see this coming.

Anyway, this is "A message" by Park:


Park - A message

Wake up blondie
This is your message
You've struck deep what most find hard to reach
Well god damnit you warned me
pleading don't get so involved
I'll do what's best and slowly dissolve

I'd hold the sun up just to wake beside you
Imagine what you could see, if you just let yourself like me
Forget the incidents, thoughtless and abusing
Imagine what you could see, if you just let yourself like me

Don't be sorry
You're less enticing
You've just lost what most find hard to keep
I'll take two of the white ones
Forget what I said last month
I'll spare myself, the embarrassment

I'd hold the sun up just to wake beside you
Imagine what you could see, if you just let yourself like me
Forget the incidents, thoughtless and abusing
Imagine what you could see, if you just let yourself like me

Cause I do
I was foolish to have thought I could catch you
Stupid to have ever liked you
But your sly little smile
Curved the comforts I used to find
Drag me inside
I'm yours to use tonight (I'm yours to use tonight)
I'm yours to use tonight

I'd hold the sun up just to wake beside you
Imagine what you would see, if you just let yourself like me
Cause I do
Cause I do
I was foolish to have thought I could catch you
Stupid to have ever liked you
But I do
But I do

Couple of songs....

Hello again.

Just a couple of songs I uploaded.
First off is:

I kind of Hate You: This song I made in April I believe. I was bored. It's sort of generic pop-punk crap with simple repeating lyrics just for fun.

Cae todo en Ti:
This one I made like a month ago. Felt like writting something about someone overcoming his/her doubts, fears.

"Y espero que asi sea,
las dudas a la mar.
No esperare un minuto
pues solo te quiero amar...

Y todo queda en ti,
solo me toca esperar"

Now the ball is in their park... it's their turn.
Also, I just wanted to kind of show off since I was using a chord progression I had never used nor recorded and me like it a lot!

Finally,

Dolera (instrumental) : This is still in its early stages. Lyrics are coming up but I just seem so confused that I don't even know if what I'm writing makes sense or is in context with the music. I'm placing heavy use on the delay effect here. Right now vocals are complete but not in this version, still need to tweak the damn lyrics... maybe I will never even finish this since I just don't seem to be thinking straight lately...

Anyway, that's all.
Just an mp3 update.

You can find all of these (except Dolera) in the music page also.

Have a great and long weekend (Labor Day!!)
Bye

Shame... Guilt...

this messes anyone more than anything.
It starts to hurt after a while too.
You cannot concentrate, think, eat, sleep, anything...

I was reading on that, thought I mention it.
I'll speak more about it later. Don't feel like
writing too much.

Spent the weekend over at some cabins in Utuado.
Drank a lot, had a generally good time.
Need to go home this weekend.
I feel like I need my family.
Right now they are my only outlet.
I don't even trust myself anymore, maybe they can help.
Maybe they can make me realize that I truly suck, that I'm truly
a bad person ... maybe I can change that ... hopefully I will change
that! That's a fucking promise!!!!!!

Just one wrong move...

just one wrong comment, just one breath (unconscious) can knock everything down.
So much can be said with just one look, just a stare, just a lead...
Will it be taken lightly?
Will it be taken seriously?
Why do I give a shit? .. Just because I care I guess...

The end of summer is upon us.
Don't know why the fuck summer is usually associated with happy and joyful times ... for me none of these describe my summer ... at least not completely. Now that fall is coming starting September I'm looking forward for more somber, bleak, depressing, obsidian, cheerless, grim, joyless, lonely days.
(Sarcasm at full operating mode!!)

Let's see... will probably not write in a while.
I'll have my happy mask on for the rest of the month.
Maybe it will help a little.

One of my favorite songs:


Standing on the Edge of Summer

In this room
I'm sitting by your side
Cause it rains for hours
and the phone is off its hook
Standing on the edge, casting lots to set me up
before you knock me down,

summer's edge and drown me
Betting on our own lives,
making up for all time we lost
In this house of cards we're all holding hearts and spades (one breath, one step could knock it all down)
but you lead with your eyes and you give it away
(decide, design to cut from the clouds)
And the people you love get lost in the shuffle,
(When you leave, you leave nothing but broken hearts)
you let it go and then you fold

So we stay on the open road
We drive for hours and still no end in sight at all
Driving in your car, miss the stop sign, fall in love,
just to get knocked out

summer's edge and drown me
Betting on our own lives,
making up for all time we lost
In this house of cards we're all holding hearts and spades (one breath, one step could knock it all down)
but you lead with your eyes and you give it away
(decide, design to cut from the clouds)
And the people you love get lost in the shuffle,
(When you leave, you leave nothing but broken hearts)

Pull your punches and burn with your cigarettes
Pulled like a punch and burnt like a cigarette...forever

Weirded out...

I have noticed in these past two weeks a trend that is fucking scaring the
hell out of me. Lately a bunch of thoughts are popping up in my brain even when I'm not thinking (or don't want to think) about those things.
What the fuck?!?!
Is like... let's say I'm in the kitchen fixing breakfast then all of a sudden
I start thinking stuff that brings me down, I start to cry like a bitch but
the thing is that I'm not really aware of it... it's weird ... it's like I'm crying,
I'm "thinking" about things but I'm actually not FEELING any pain, any sorrow, any anything... I just cry... WTF?!?!? I mean ... I don't know what it means.
I think I need to do something, express or channel my feelings to someone...
Do I need to scream?
Do I need to fight?
What the fuck do I need?
It's weirding me out.

But ... I've been weird all my life...
Even since I was just a child.
Heck, I remember the first time I felt weird (and made someone else feel weird in the process!). I was in seventh grade I believe (or sixth) and a good friend came to me early in the morning (at school) celebrating! He said: "Guess what, guess what!?"
And I was like: "Well... you had a game yesterday and your team won 27 to 26 because you made the final basket..." ... ... he was like... WTF?!?!? Yeah... I came up with things like that out of nowhere (of course this is just a stupid example as I would not like to go into details about more serious stuff).
So weird stuff is not new to me but still I feel different every time....

Maybe it's a sign?!?
Will something happen to me that will shatter my conceptions about myself, the world, my friends?!?
Will something happen to someone I love and will it fuck up my life as a result?
I don't know why I'm feeling these things.
Maybe I'll know one of these days.
Hopefully it will come sooner rather than later because it's killing me...

My back hurts!!! :-(

NOT MY ASSHOLE!! (perverts!)
But my lower back got fu**ed while playing basketball this past Tuesday!
Wednesday I couldn't even sleep.
Yesterday I got better.
Today ... feels the same as yesterday... maybe a bit better.
I had a Kung Fu seminar this Sunday and I will probably not attend
because of this! DAMN!

I'm definitely dying!
Something is wrong.
Evil is on my side!!!
THat motherfuck...

Still ... I'll probably go-ahead with the plan of Drinking + eating +
playing videogames at home. Period!

"Monga"....

And NO, I'm not talking about my member here!
Damn "monga".
I've been sick for like 2 weeks now and medicine seems
to be ineffective... maybe I'm dying!
I mean, my heart is kind of dead anyway, my head is all
messed up thinking stupid stuff I shouldn't be thinking so
it's probably on it's way of shutting down in a few days and
maybe my body is responding the same way!
Oh sweet suffering!! lol

Sweet Suffering... that's something that Pinhead from the Hellraiser
movies would say ... which reminds me, I have to pick up Final Destination 3 somewhere. It's not the best movie out there but at least it entertains a little.
I read that the special features are quite good.

Also, I'm feeling like a kid again.
I just "purchased" a PS2 with a couple of games and it has
been a really good escape for me. When I'm playing I'm not thinking
about anything that's going on in my life (sadly, NOTHING is going on in my life)and I just play ... hypnotized like a freaking Zombie.
I would love to do that everyday... so I'm going to start playing LOTTO!!!!
Yeah right... back to reality.

Got a couple of beers at home that needs to be finished.
Got tequila too! A whole new bottle!!! WOOOHOOOOOO!!!
Videogames + pizza + beer + tequila shots == really good non suicidal weekend!!!

I'm IN!!!


P.S. I know that last time I promised to post up the new song but I haven't!
I'll upload it when I'm ready for everyone to hear it!

Thanks.

Doomed for failure...

Dammit.
I knew something was wrong when I followed tradition
this New Year. I succumbed to my family ways and ate
7 grapes wishing for all things good not only for me
but for my family and friends. This was supposed to bring
me good luck and great things this new year... WHAT THE
FUCK HAS HAPPENED?!? I haven't had any good luck especially
in relationships. Next time, I will follow my gut feeling
and not believe in any of this nonsense!

So... I tried and I don't know what else to do.
I recently wrote that it was time to "make my move" that
it was "time to get close without fear of rejection", yadda,
yadda, yadda that it all falls on her decision ... and boy
did her decision sucked! hehehehe
I mean, I'm not the most good looking, most honest nor
the coolest guy there is but what I feel has to count for
something right?!?!? I don't know of what she is so afraid of
because she knows I love her with all my heart but still she wont
give me a chance! And you know what? SHE IS FUCKED!!!!!!!
Why??? Because.... I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!! Yes you heard me (or read this)!
I will NOT GIVE UP! :-p
I think I will be more complete if she accepts what I have to offer.
And that's my gut feeling. If she is going to be with an asshole
in the future, I want to be that asshole! One that will not treat her
wrong, one that will support her every way, every day, the one who
will love her... and if she still doesn't want anything with me,
if she only wants my friendship, so be it, I will not reject that,
never! I know she will probably be a great friend since she is just great,
light-hearted, one of the best I have ever met. What will probably
get to me is ... 3 years from now (hopefully less, I wouldn't like
for her to be alone or without a real relationship so long!!!)
and her going out with a real asshole instead of just a fake asshole
like me... that always gets me thinking...

Anyway, enough talking.
I thought I would be a wreck because of this but actually
I'm not feeling so bad... probably because I already knew where
she was going, probably because I know I will love her always
no matter how many times she can reject me. Though this situation
didn't stopped me from trying to drown in tequila
yesterday but that's beside the point! hehehehe :-p

I'm getting tired of writing.
Monday I recorded another "song" since I didn't
had my Kung Fu class. It's related to this shit I was talking
about earlier. Again, the lyrics seem to come out of a 14 year
old but ... FUCK OFF!
I'll post the song later in the week or this weekend or something.

I'll be going now.
Bye.



P.S. Wow, I played basketball yesterday for less than 2 hours
and my legs feel so heavy! Never play basketball after like
3 months or more of inactivity!! hehehehehe BYE.

Ich habe zu viel stress....

Yep, preparations for the freaking summer party (the company's) screwed my week all over. At least I'm not sick anymore. Hopefully people will attend and have a good time! All that I know is that I'm going to get early, help out with the set up and all that stuff, try to enjoy and once this is finished, I'm going to sleep till Sunday.

Then ... off to Mayaguez Mall and start paying taxes!!!! lol

Been trying to write a sappy BUT happy song and ... have not been successful!
Why?
I mean, I'm a happy person ... kind of ... I guess, so why the fuck can't I write
something happy?!?!? So instead, another somber piece of shit has come out from me!
I call this ... a lyrical dump.

Something good has to happen I think in order to not take another "dump".
I'm going to work on that something and make it happen if I can, I'm not
waiting for the train to come...

Anyway, that's all.
Bye.

I'm sick :-(

Yeaaaahh just the common cold but my god how I hate it.
I usually speak using my nose and since it's all f--ed up now I have
this weird nasal voice that makes me want to throw up.

Had a deadline last week.
An useless deadline as it seems it was moved to another day
and we didn't even knew that. Still, less work we have to do
in the future ... I think....

I have felt inspired these past few days, and continued writing some stuff.
It's pretty hardcore thinking, a lot of people will not get it right and think
there's something wrong with me. Still, I think I can take something from
that and put it into lyrics one of these days.
Been practicing with a metronome but if I suck ass without it, imagine how
I sound using one!. Still I have to learn.

That is all.
Let me see if I can finally get on my ass and make that call I've been
hesitating to make... I don't even know how it's going to be taken, the reaction .. and the action. Fucking pussy de mierda...

Check it.

Hung Gar...

So I've been reading more about Hung Gar and I think I'm going to like it
even more! Even though it's a Southern Kung Fu style and it WILL wreak havoc on my legs I think I can probably grasp the concepts well and execute some
of the stuff. Still, I prefer Northern Style. It just uses the body a lot more,
and the stances are long.

I took my first exam last Friday.
Passed with flying colors of course (simple as hell) but still I'm out of shape
and need to practice my stances a lot more! My legs are killing me right now dammit!

Changing topic, a friend called today to do something this summer.
He is planning to go to Vieques, but there's so much work here! Already worked this past weekend and I'm not sure if I need to come here again this weekend! This sucks!
Still, it's better than not having any work on my lap.

With all of this going on, I haven't had time to play with myself ... I mean, with my guitar. I do have a progression in mind but have not recorded anything.

Well, I'm going.
Not feeling inspired to write here or anywhere about anything.
Where are you muse!?!?!?

I know where she is!!! :p


Check it.

OMG I just found ... results...

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

That's all I'm going to say today.
All results positive.
Everything works.
Feel good.

OMG!!! I just found out something I lost...

a few years ago!!
You see!
Although I whine like a bitch sometimes (or most times) it is not without reason. And since destiny is a whore, and like to play games with us, I have learned that you don't have to ignore it all the time or else you'll miss out!

So, anyway, without going into details, after I found what I did something changed ... at that moment ... I was ... HAPPY!!!!!! Not like the fake happy go nuts and have fun I usually am, but REALLY HAPPY! Now, I'll be happier later on if what I found still works!!!! (NO guys, IT IS NOT A DILDO!! I REPEAT IT IS NOR A DILDO not A VIBRATOR!!! Thanks!) If it does, trust me, not even the Devil himself will make me mad, sad, whatever in at least 1 day! If it doesn't ... well nevermind this post. Still OMG... I cannot believe it.

Let you know later in the week.

C ya.

Ok... this is weird....

Ok, I just visited a good friend of mine and I'm really loved by her family
as well. We were goofing around, talking about my "life" (or so called life)
and I just felt like I went into the depths of hell and back talking shit about how good I had it!
WTF?!?!?! What good I have what?
I'm so confused. lol

Still feel like shit.
Should have stayed home...

Feel like shit...

for no reason at all...

That's all.

And I keep beating the fucking dead horse...

But I don't get how people can be so inconsiderate!
Jeez.
Don't they know that their actions can cause certain REACTIONS on certain fews?
I cannot imagine myself doing something like that.
I mean, if I have the chance to do it ,and I don't care about what is
going on through the other person puny little brain, I would probably do it and
just spit it on their faces but I doubt it.

Now, the thing is that .. THIS SHOULD NOT BOTHER ME!
Why does it?
I haven't felt like this in like a month!
I thought I was over everything (including myself!! hehehehe)
In fact, I KNOW I was over everything and I felt so fucking relieved but
what is this I'm feeling?
Is it that I figured something else out after quite some time? (something that
I'm not even going to get into because it scares the living shit out of me!!!)
Or is it that I haven't had any closure? (WTF?!?! Who needs closure these days? Fucking pussies!)
Or is it that I need to feel like this in order to go on with my life and call
it Normal?

Actually, I think I have all the answers.
Still, does knowing these make me feel better?
No.

I need to borrow a flame-thrower from somebody!
Seriously.

Damn.


Apart from that.
I'm cool. Getting my DS Lite on Sunday (hopefully).
Need to sit down and record some stuff.

That's all.

I know Kung Fu! ...

Hello.

So, after all that has happened to me these past few months, I guess
it was time to go back in time, back in my high school days, when I felt
a little out of place (just a little I'm not a weirdo or anything... I think).
I started thinking: "What did put me at ease and made me think, made me calm, gave me discipline? Kung Fu of course.

I studied Bak Shaolin Eagle Claw Kung Fu back in the day and it was a great experience and I guess I was mediocre at it but I liked it. Now after almost 5 years without throwing a kick, I signed up to Southern Kung Fu classes (mine was Northern Style) and I'm starting to feel great. Have only gone to 2 classes but I already know that this will help me a lot.
I love this stuff, love its history, its principles, etc.
So I bought my T-shirts and yesterday started with exercises and some combinations and I got EXHAUSTED!!! Damn... I didn't know I was so out of shape.
I guess in 3 months I'll be cool ... maybe ... if I don't "stray" from the path
and start missing classes! lol

Bought a couple of movies (not much).
Final Fantasy Advent Children (great graphics and animation)
Hostel (really a great gory movie from a cool horror director -- Eli Roth)
Dead Again (haven't seen it yet)
Secret Window (Johnny Depp kicks ass but Turturro is even better! Great plot, long live Stephen King!)
The Exorcism of Emily Rose (have not seen it yet)

Also, I received like 10 music cds at home in Guayama but I haven't picked them up yet. All I know is that Fiona Apple was on the list so that's a cd a want to listen to. I love this woman!!!

Finally, the song I made for what happenned last week is up on the server.
And here is a direct link:

Olvidar no Puedo

Have to re-record the vocals since it sounds more nasal than I thought (that's the way I sing anyway but still) and clear up the "noise".
If you don't understand the song, well, basically is this woman who wants me to feel something for her but I know her and I know what she has done in past relationships, I know what was going to happen and if it did happened I was not going to forgive her. So that's basically it.

That's all for today.

Talk to youse later -- Rocky! :-p

Results for Final Week...

You will not believe this! lol
She made it easy for me.
The day I made that post, I received a phone call from her!
Why?
She wanted to tell me something ... she wanted to tell me that she
had been going out with someone for over three weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just laughed!
I KNEW that this WOULD happen and that WAS the specific REASON I
did not want anything to do with her.
This IS the way SHE IS!!

But now, one thing was on my mind ... why did she called to tell me this?
This is not her!
She wouldn't "risk" her neck be telling me this.
Well, it seems the guy she was going out with KNOWS ME!!!
lol WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!Yep, the guy is a fraternity brother of my best friend and she knew that I was going to know about this "indiscretion" via some other ways so she decided to tell me first (as if... as you can see she was quiet for 3 weeks so if they guy didn't knew me, I would be a "cuernu" and she would be relaaaaax)

So all in all, she made it easy for me.
I laughed, she "laughed", and he laughed.
We all got together on Thursday to have a chat.
I didn't mind, I didn't cared because again, I did not felt much for her
because of the reasons already stated.

I will go on. Try to find someone that I like ... that I could love.
Maybe I already know her, maybe I don't. I wont get into that. :-p
But I feel blessed, I feel great.
I feel that I should ALWAYS follow reason, follow my head and not always my heart.
That's the ticket ... that's the way to go.

In conclusion. All is "well".

Final Week...

So this is probably the week were all hell breaks loose,
I might get a couple of kicks in the nuts and a few slaps all over
my face ... maybe.

Why does everything has to be so hard?
It's not like I have not been clear.
Damn it!!

"I DON'T want to be with you!"

I guess that is direct enough right?
Will she even speak to me after this?
Frankly, I don't really care.
I guess it is difficult trying to FEEL for somebody when
you cannot trust them. Not even a little ... I guess this is
because I "know" her. I "know" I will not be happy.
Am I making a mistake ... NO I don't think so.
Actually I'm acting like I should.
I'm not being a pussy.
I'm not being a conformist.
It's not that she is ugly, a bad seed or a bad person,
is just that I can't bring myself to trust her.
I know her lies, I know the way she lies, I know a lot
and maybe that scares me. Why? Because I don't want to get
hurt and then start taking shit (like I'm doing right now) all
over this blog going back again to the same cycle I seem to fall
BECAUSE OF ME!

I usually see things coming.
I usually want to fight them as I don't like "destiny" taking control
of your life! But this time ... FUCK IT. I'm not even going to try it.

I wrote something the other day (it seems I'm having a lot of time to write
probably because I've been feeling inspired by stuff going on around me
and with me) which I (of course) converted to lyrics:

"Le hago caso a mi razon,
que se joda el corazon,
no puedo estar contigo.
No quieres q te haga esperar,
pero perdonar es olvidar,
y yo no olvido!"

I have always said that shit ... "to forgive is to forget" and it is
very true. Now, why am I applying it to this current situation if it hasn't
occured yet? Because I KNOW that it will happen and I'm not going to fall for stuff like this. Not while I can avoid it.

So, what should I expect from her after Thursday?
Indifference?
Hate?
Again, I don't care. Actually I'm being CONSIDERATE!
I'm thinking not only about my well being but about HERS!
I'm not being SELFISH dammit!

Those are basically the reasons that I'm going to do this!
I have to end this.
I guess it's bad that this will happen as she could be great
but my mind will never see her like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is TAINTED in my head and I guess it's kind of bad for me too.
But again, I HAVE to do this.

It will be hard!
Why? Because I know her, I know that she will say:

"Solo trata, ... bla bla bla"

but I know what I feel.

So, Friday will be a new day.
Friday I will either feel like shit or good as hell.
Who knows, maybe she changes her mind and stop thinking about me
like she is doing right know!! Who knows ....

This situation really has put things in perspective for me.
Why? Because IT'S MY DECISION NOW!
I'm not waiting from anyone, I'm not expecting anything.

Finally, I can feel it ............... a new song is coming!!! hehehehe

Oh shit, I definitely have to laugh!

Check it.

Another post about music...

As you must know by now, I really love acoustic music.
Drive-Thru was one of my favorite labels (and they still have a couple
of cool bands) and they sign up a young kid that has really good writing
skills and he has come up with a tasty EP. And best of all, IT'S FREE!!!
You can download it over at MTVu.

Dave Melillo

This kid made a really cool 5 song album which I highly enjoy and recommend.
The production is really good and if you at least go over one of my songs without taking a dump or vomiting, then you can listen to this. ;-)

So ... I guess I will come up with another "suicidal lesbian" post in the next weeks
since I'm feeling like an asshole ... maybe cause I am one?!? Don't know.

Anyway, talk to youse later.

"New" Songs...

Hello again and welcome to another episode of "sucky sucky music".
On this edition, 2 new songs are posted and a massive attack
on your ears by them causes vomiting and diarrhea!!!! hehehehe

So, I posted 2 "new" songs on the Music section of my webpage:
http://gelocks.topcities.com

I say "new" because they really aren't.
The first one: 'Ya todo Termino' was made in December of 2005 when my
new Audio Interface arrived a week before Christmas. It was hastily made
to test the new "system". The song is basically a man being left the fuck alone
by a woman. This woman made him believe that it was his fault that she left him BUT he knew better ...

The second one I made a looong time ago.
I guess it was in 2004.
It was made as a mini song (under 1 minute and 10 seconds) and in English.
I changed it to Spanish and made it longer. This one is basically the contrary
of 'Ya todo Termino'. It's about a guy that's going out with this gal and believes
she is not right for him so he sends her packing ... and then he wishes he could take that back ... he wishes for all to be a dream since he now "sees" her everywhere.
This one is tentatively called: 'Decision pendeja (Recordandote)'
Why did I changed it to Spanish?
I noticed that all of my Spanish songs were kind of slow, monotone, whatever you want to call it!
This one was more upbeat and I liked it as a transition for the usual slow songs I make (like Ya Todo Termino).

Also, I updated the song called Only Doubts (I guess it sounds a little bit better)

Here are direct links:

Ya todo Termino

Decision Pendeja (Recordandote)

Only Doubts

Finally, I have made more songs and stuff these past few months but they all have the same vibe, they all have the same message (more or less) since the "material" was taken from a series of letters and an essay I made regarding the current situation in my life at the time. But I'm not ready to post them yet! ;)

So, anyway, I hope you don't throw-up all over the place after listening to these.
And remember that I'm not an artist (I WON'T QUIT MY DAY JOB!!!!) so don't expect much!! hehehehe

Bye.

FAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God how much I hate them!

Puya - Fake

Un buen traje y tambien maquillaje
Una sonrisa de anuncio de colgate
Esa mirada que de el cine sacaste
Y en tu mente la cuenta de cuantos tipos ya tumbaste
Siempre con los que esten mas cool
Con ese grupito tan cinico como tu
tacos altos y perfume de el caro
a ver quien cae hoy a quien le tumbas los chavos

Por el otro lao viene bien recorta'o
Bien a la moda y tambien entelao
Con carita quien no quiere la cosa
Mirando po encima pa'ver como posa
Un pendejo con guille de playboy
en su espejo dice que bueno estoy
con su carro la encanta salir
Es el mamito tremendo figurin

Another Day - To put up your act
One more break - Give me a break
Another day - To put up your act
One more break - To be a fake

Lo tuyo es una cuestion de apariencia
Malditos esclavos de una enferma ciencia
Que nos quito la ultima gota de escencia
Sale el sol, sonrie y nos reta
Quien seras hoy, cual sera hoy tu careta
Intelectual, casual, formal o sensual
Oye, que clase de marioneta

En este teatro el bravito es el que miente
Un gran miedo a que no te accepten
Ironico si somos todos universo
Si olvidemos lo supestamente cierto
Una esquema dificil de romper
Felicidad a base de papel
Una tarjeta para pertenecer
Una vida sin poder ser...


I simply looooooove this song!
Fakes make my blood boil! Everytime I spot one I want to punch them! lol
Fake friendships!? Yeah you know, with "friends" that stab you in the back?!
You know those right?
How about those that after 2 weeks of being with someone they say
"Te Amo" only (and MOST PROBABLY) because you fucked their brains out!
No feelings involved whatsoever, you just fuck them and their in love! FAKE BITCHES!
Then they get left alone and that "loving feeling" vanishes in a minute.
At least when I think about loving someone I definitely spend more than a week! hehehehe :p

But ... if you think about it, fakes are the ones that drive most of the trends
that I love (from hollywood to the music industry to stupidities) ... still I hate them and cannot wait for the world to fuck itself up!

That's my rant for the week.

Thanks.
Bye.

Fake BITCHES! :p

So ... I'm kind of...

saving money and haven't bought any DVDs in a while!
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!?!
WHAT?!?!
WHAT?!?!?

I've been checking out some houses, projects and stuff and I'm still
undecided. This is definitely BIG, a BIG decision.
Should I buy?
Should I keep renting?
Something will catch me eye maybe.

In other news ... I'm fucking bored.
That's why I'm writing really.
I can't wait for next week (TBS comes out with a new album).
That reminds me, I have to go to Borders since I ordered something
about a month ago and they still have not contacted me!

Finally, I've written some hate speech!! hehehehe
I'll probably convert it to a song or something.
It's not really dark, just simple shit... sort of like
the Nazi's!!! lol ... ok. Not that bad.
Have like 3 or 4 songs I haven't posted yet 'cause
I keep finding errors (grammatical erros which in turn makes the song
have errors and fixing them requires re-recording :( ) DAMN IT!

I think I have one, instrumental version, over here somewhere:

HERE (you can Right CLick and Save As)

Went a little overboard with equalization but who gives a shit anyway!
I don't! :p

Check it.

Page update - More Pics Added...

Hello.

I recently did an update to the Photo Section of the webpage
and added some. Of course, Hugo's Wedding is up and set so you can
see a couple of pictures of that and a couple more of my Infotech
friends hanging out.

Also, this is my 102th post in this Blog.
What that basically says is that I TALK A LOT OF SHIT.!
But with reason! When people are DISRESPECTFUL, IGNORANT, INCONSIDERATE,
--- insert synonyms here -- I have to talk about it or else I
explode... wouldn't want ANYONE to see my BAD SIDE ... it's VERY BAD!

Finally, ... aaahhh shit. I forgot.
I had a quote in my mind from the Movie HIGH FIDELITY with my
main man John Cusack and it was just so hilarious...

Oh damn... I almost forgot.

Have you ever had a dream that didn't quite had an ending and
then after a couple of days you have another dream ending
the events that took place on the first one a few days ago!?!?!?
Holy shit that is so weird!
I had that today!
I woke up and I was numb!
I couldn't believe that had happenned!!!
It definitely was the first time for me... WEIRD..

yeah I know ... I was buying time to see if I remembered that
High Fidelity quote ... I still don't.
It was a good one, and you probably know to who I was
going to say that!! :p ;)


See you later...

Just when I thought everything was going well ...

It all came down and crashed over me.
Fuck, dammit.
Why am I the one to suffer?
Of course she says "it hurts", maybe she says
it just so that I don't feel bad, acting as if
but I know now that nothing is real, nothing was real.
And worse is, my "replacement" sits just a couple
of feet away from me. A guy that came over one day and
said to me: "There's nothing going on between us!" A good
guy I thought (I still think he is though).
But why go through the trouble of telling me there was
nothing going on?!? I figured from that day that there
was INDEED something going on. Shit, they probably
watched a movie I brought her together! lol
What am I to do now?
????????????????????

NOTHING.

I have to stick it up my ass, be "happy" that at least
I like the guy and he SEEMS good for her and that's it.
Is it?! Don't know I feel like I'm going to explode!!!

What makes me mad though are these feelings of ...
well ... you know, the usual.
I'm not worth it, bla bla bla like I don't matter, like
what the fuck am I doing here, is he better than me,
is everyone better than me, etc. Just like a fucking
suicidal bitch. Like always ... I guess that's why I get shit
from everyone.

Should I be worried, fuck no.
She has a right to be with whomever since in her eyes
I'm not "right" for her (and I would love for this to be wrong,
BUT IT ISN'T .. I guess I let her down?!?! Or was she the one
that drowned me?)

Should I give a fuck?
Don't know ... I guess I cared for her more than she did for
me... that is what always happens to me. I end up caring
so much and thus end up hurting ... I still have not
learned how to fuck over someone without any guilt.
I will probably never learn anyway ... frankly I don't
want to learn that ... I don't want to be a FUCKING FAKE like a
lot of people in this Fucked up world (I.E. Look at the post
before this one ... Some Men just suck -- some women too! ;) )

I said like a month ago that "A new life was going to
start" for me ... I guess it hasn't ... maybe it will
never begin since I don't know what to change in me if I have to!

Nevertheless,

"Brille el sol o se nuble el cielo,
aprovechare los momentos, tratare de revivir.
Te sacare de mi mente, de manera urgente
y volvere a descubrir.

Que el amor existe,
que valgo la pena,
y volvere a SENTIR por alguien que me quiera.
Alguien que me desee,
que me tenga en su mente,
y que vea la vida de otra manera.
Espero ....

Una nueva vida, comienza para mi.
(Una vida sin ti)
Y buscare "gente" que sienta lo que sentia por ti.

Me estaba (y estoy) volviendo loco
Muriendome poco a poco.
Pensando en lo que hice bien (o no hice) o hice mal.
Pero Al carajo esto,
creo que ya es el momento de algo nuevo buscar
(tu lo hiciste ... y muy rapido y CERCA pienso).
Y en ti no voy a pensar
Y en ti no voy a pensar
(aunque se me haga imposible ... que malo) "

Excerp from: "Nuevo Comienzo".

Now, Is all of this REALLY what I'm thinking?!?!?!
hehehehe FUCK NO! (People who know me will know
what I'm REALLY thinking! FUCK DAMMIT :p).

"The QUIET THINGS THAT NO ONE EVER KNOWS!!!!"

Bye.

How can they do it?!?!

that's all I'm going to say...

How the fuck does someone goes around screwing everyone else
like they are the only ones that matter?
How the fuck can someone lie to your face, sell you whatever
and go on living without a guilty conscience?
Does she know?
Do they know (meaning his girlfriend and the other)??

If they do know, then both of these girls are just plain whores
or the guy has a 13-inch COCK which would make them cock lovers?!?!? hehehe
ok I lost it... ;)

But seriously, people can really manipulate other people via lies
and some of them are more prone to believe those lies than others.
Is that what is happening here?
Is that what always happens?

I just get so frustrated when I see situations like this!
You got a perfectly healthy and gorgeous woman which cannot choose between
what is good for her and what MIGHT be good for her (which in this
case is not really that good ...), it infuriates me, and since I cannot
show my rage, I stay quiet... but then...

"Depression is Rage turned inwards..."

Damn... hehehehe

People suck!!!!! Everyone knows that!!!
But liars suck even more! And Everyone SHOULD KNOW THAT!

Still going with The Sopranos...

Yep, I'm up watching the penultimate season (number 5) of The Sopranos
and all I can say is that the series topnotch acting and quality
have not let me down even on this the 5th year.
Now I have to wait for Season 6 to finish airing and buy the DVDs when it
comes out.

Also bought South Park Season 7.
So far is ho-hum and what IT'S REALLY IRRITATING, the sound levels
keep going up and down during episodes!!!
WTF?!?!? Doesn't anybody check this? Jeez!

After almost a month and a half I'm going to Guayama once
again to visit the family. My father's birthday is this
week so let's see what they will do this weekend.

I will probably post pictures from Hugo's wedding in the coming weeks.
I just have been so busy at work and have a deadline
for this Friday so ... let's see.

Well, that's all.

Check it.

Sopranos ... Hugo's Wedding

I'm hooked on The Sopranos.
Already saw the first three seasons (which most episodes I had already watched
since I was a fan of this series when it aired on HBO along with Oz) and bought
the 4th Season yesterday.

Tomorrow it's Hugo's wedding.
I fucking feel weird about giving the toast but what the hell... I will do it
as best as I can. Pictures you surface here on my page next week I guess.

That's all to report for now.
Check it.

A new beginning ... I promise (PART 2)

"It's really time to begin to live again.
It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself."

Que facil es hablar mierda!!! jejeje
No se por que se me esta haciendo tan dificil.
Cualquiera diria q estuve 5 años con la chica o una mierda asi.
Quizas por que trabajo con ella se me hace dificil.

Escribi una "cancion" (no considero ninguna de mis canciones
canciones -- sendas leñas que nunca termino HOSTIA) en la cual
me repito: "En ti no voy a pensar"

Ospera, pero pienso en eso y mas todo el tiempo.

"No more looking back, why do it?
Why should I look back at things and ponder the what ifs?
The how should I've acted, or the I should have done this or that?
Fuck that..."

Punieta!!!
No estoy pensando en lo que paso.
Sino en lo que puede pasar entre ella y cualquier otro mamao que no sea yo.
Algo que no me debe preocupar en lo minimo si que carajo, es mejor que ella
este con alguien que le haga sentir, que le haga querer y no conmigo.
Esto lo entiendo perfectamente y con todo y eso ... pufff... whatever.
Quizas es que no entiendo nada.
Estoy mas perdio que la vizne!!!!


"Brille el sol o se nueble el cielo,
aprovechare los momentos y tratare de revivir.
Te sacare de mi mente, de manera urgente
y volvere a descubrir:

Que el amor si existe (claro que si)
Que valgo la pena (espero)
y que voy a sentir por alguien que me quiera.
Alguien que me desee.
Que me tenga en su mente y
que vea la vida de otra manera ...

Una nueva vida comienza para mi.
(una vida sin ti)
Y buscare gente que sienta lo que sentia por ti!

Me estaba volviendo loco
Muriendome poco a poco.
Pensando en lo que hice bien o mal.
Pero al carajo esto.
Creo que ya es el momento de algo nuevo buscar.
Y en ti no voy a pensar...
Y en ti no voy a pensar..."

Y nuevamente digo ... que facil es hablar mierda! :p

Check it.

I have been tempted ... and I WILL spend the $$$$

Went to Walmart yesterday just to buy a couple
of Polo's and suddenly I felt the urge to go to the Electronics
section. There ... the DVDs were calling to me:

"please come and browse the selection here... take me ... no take ME!"

I went and picked up the new John Cusack movie (he is one of my fave actors)
and slowly put it back in its place ... then .... I .... saw ...

The FIRST and SECOND Seasons of The SOPRANOS at only $50!!!!
(they were at least $80 each) and I felt this urge to buy both of them.
I mean, I loved The Sopranos. I stopped watching in the middle of Season 3.
I had not bought any of them because of the high tag price but now ... I don't know.
I think my account will suffer just a little bit... I'm not sure if I should but
them!!

Damn ...


In other news, had a good night last night! ;)

A new beginning ... I promise

It's really time to begin to live again.
It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself.
If a WTF moment happens in my life, I'll live with it, swallow my pride
and continue forward without looking back. And that's what I will do.
That is what I will begin to do starting today.
No more looking back, why do it?
Why should I look back at things and ponder the what ifs?
The how should I've acted, or the I should have done this or that?
Fuck that...

I hope I don't break this promise to myself.
I'll work hard not to break it.


In other news, this month will finally arrive the 7th Season of South Park!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! More foul language and perversion for my humble, sweet and innocent
mind ...

..
.

Yeah.

A la verdad que...

Yo no valgo un carajo...

Si leyeron el blog anterior (el de WTF) pues saben lo que
estaba pasando por mi mente en esos momentos bajo una situacion
que provoco muchas sensaciones en mi. Al fin y al cabo, todo se hablo,
todo se aclaro y a la verdad que he quedado como tremendo pesca bicho
y pendejo.

WTF?!?!?

Eso me pregunto ahora yo sobre mi!
Crei que tenia la capacidad de analizar las cosas pero
en realidad no. Al menos no con lo que mi mente crea que es verdadero.

WTF?!?!?

Eso me digo a mi por pensar mal de una tremenda persona y mujer
que ha sido sincera conmigo hasta ahora (y espero que lo siga siendo
aunque no sea un carajo mio) sin razon alguna, solo segui lo que
me decia la mente y no el corazon.

WTF?!?!?

Donde me escondo yo ahora para que no me vea por lo que soy,
tremendo infeliz del carajo que trato de crecerse poniendo a la
persona por el piso (en palabras no tan directas)?

WTF?!?!?

Si alguna vez pense que podia haber un futuro, baaahhh... PA FUERA ES QUE VA!

WTF?!?!?

Ya me canse ... no puedo seguir dejando que lo que yo IMAGINE se apodere
de lo que yo siento. Quizas dejo q esto pase por que estoy acostumbrado,
o quizas, mal acostumbrado. No se...

Estos si que son WTF moments!!!

Y para terminar...

Dream Theater tomorrow...

Yep.
Tomorrow Dream Theater will be in Puerto Rico playing a concert
that I'm sure will kick ass and of course I will assist.
It should be fun.

Started practicing C++ again after a loooong while and all
I can say is ...... I SUCK ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not even simple programs will compile, I feel so dumb.
I have to learn a simple programming language and then go back
to this because I feel nauseous and shit. So dumb...

See you later.
I'll see if I can keep on practicing! :p

I thought this was funny...

A friend of mine posted on this on his blog:

[02/13/2006@5:31pm]
> Obligatory St. Valentine's post
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just what I needed, a day to remind me that all the cute/interesting girls my age I meet either: are married, are engaged, smoke, have kids, or are gay. Awesome.

Do I sound bitter? I am.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I guess the only thing left for me to add is: "or dump you for whatever reasons!"

That's all.
Although I'm not bitter ...

FUCK. WHO AM I KIDDING!!!

Hope everyone enjoyed yesterday!!! (except for dicks like us!)

Page Update -- Pics Added

Another update was completed today.
I added some pictures in the Photos section
of the page. In it you can find pics from our party in
Rincon over at Ilde's House, pics from the last high school
reunion we had and finally just having fun over at Pochys
(a local chinchorrein here at Isabela near work).

That's all I have to say I guess.

Been working on the songs.
I think they are coming along well.

Check it.

Enjoy the pics.

If you want them in a bigger size, let me know.

Guayama ...

Damn this!!
It took me 3 freaking hours yesterday to get to Guayama.
3 HOURS!!!!!!!!!
Now I remember why I don't come down here so much now!
Since I'm here though, I figure I could get a haircut, wash
the car ... oh I forgot ... this house looks like a disaster
zone since they are building a new bathroom (as if this house
wasn't small enough!).

Enough ranting.
Check it.

Ya todo termino... (ahora si)

Ese es el titulo de una cancion que tengo y supongo que
se cumplio (pero no de la forma que esta en la cancion).
Me mandaron a volar bien duro que hasta solo somos "Co-workers"!
WTF?!?!!?

Oh well, tengo par de canciones nuevas que tengo que terminar! ;)
Y sip, son de despecho! jejeje
Esto es parte del verso de una:

"Me acabas de pasar, como paginas de un libro ya leido y me olvidaste."
"No podia decifrar el por que nada era igual y lentamente, me mataste."

Coro:

"Que facil se te hizo, escoger ese otro camino"
"Y dejarme confundido con estas botellas de vino"

.....etc... lo mas cliche que se puedan imaginar!!! jejeje

La escucharan luego ... creo. :p

En otras noticias,
No he comprado mas DVDs hace tiempito.
Tengo Flightplan (esta bastante buena), y compre por fin a Equilibrium pero
no la he visto todavia! Un pana me esta prestando los Seasons de 24.
No esta mal la serie pero prefiero a Lost 1000 veces.

Sigo jugando poco a poco Final Fantasy IV pero no le he metido fuerte.
No he ido mucho al gym pero le estoy metiendo al basket.
Me dieron otra mierda de "Award" por "Performance" en la compania.
Y me lo merezco hostia.

No se que mas escribir... hoy compre de Thinkgeek 2 T-shirts de WTF?!?
una para un pana y la otra para mi.

Eso es todo.

Check it.

I know what's coming...

and it is not pretty.

Maybe that is why from the outset I did not want to get my feelings involved.
But you forced me ... and I wanted you to force me because deep down I felt
I would do good by you and in a way I still do.
I asked a couple of times what did you wanted from me and never did I get
a straight answer as if: "Right now I feel comfortable" would make me feel better.
It actually sent my mind on a field trip ... those words...
"Right now" meant trouble and guess what ... they were.

Right now I don't even know what to do.
I don't know how to look at you without thinking:
"Am I wasting my time?"
"Am I letting you waste my time?"
"Do you REALLY feel as you say?"
"Can we make it work out before you finally come out and say: Sorry, I can't deal with this!?"
"Can I go one step back with you and feel comfortable?"

For these I don't have the answers.
Maybe it wont be too long before I know them though.
Just spare me ... have mercy ... and if you want to let go, LET GO.
Whatever the decision is, I have to live with it but in a way, so do you.

Sin CIty is the shit...

Yes that's correct.
Sin City is one of the coolest movies I have ever seen period.
The acting is great, the effects are great and the movie as a whole is great.
The Special Edition DVD is very good and there's one song (that also appears
in The Transporter 2 by the way) that's just awesome and I'm trying to find out
who plays it!!!

I'm playing FFIV at last and have logged on over 7 hours.
Addicted again.
Haven't done much.
Go out with my friends, girl, fix my apt a little yesterday, cleaned, etc.

That's it for now.

Bye.

Happy New Years... and Feliz Dia de Reyes

Hey guys!
Welcome to 2006!!! Who would have thought that we would still be alive after all the alcohol and drugs we have consumed in and after college!!! hehehe just kidding.
I hope everyone had a good new years bash or that at least you spent time with your families and/or friends you love.
I know I did had a good time. I'm preparing the pictures page so that my family over in the US can see us.

I'm still playing with me gifts and made another song snippet which needs some work apart for the whole song I made (in Spanish no less! ;)). Also, In gaming related news, I finally finished Final Fantasy II from the GBA Dawn of Souls package and I'm playing the extra Soul of Rebirth dungeon but it's proving to be EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. Still I will probably finish it in a couple of days. And since I love RPGs, I went ahead and bought Final Fantasy IV (the SNES remake of FFII -- yeah I know ... these numbers get very confusing!)

Finally I'm still playing Mario Kart DS just for fun but I guess all gaming will stop for a moment since I bought the Special Edition Sin City DVD. It looks hot!!!
Next on my list, Transporter 2 (coming out next week) and The Frighteners Special Edition!

Also, I have a "goal" of reaching 300 DVDs and stopping purchasing more movies UNLESS I REAAAAAAAAALLY WANT THEM!!! ;)

That's all I have to say!

I'm supposed to be at work tommorow but I'm not going ;)
But thinking about work is already giving me headaches! I even forgot my log-in password of my account! That truly sucks!

Oh well... ;)

See you later!