Just when I thought everything was going well ...

It all came down and crashed over me.
Fuck, dammit.
Why am I the one to suffer?
Of course she says "it hurts", maybe she says
it just so that I don't feel bad, acting as if
but I know now that nothing is real, nothing was real.
And worse is, my "replacement" sits just a couple
of feet away from me. A guy that came over one day and
said to me: "There's nothing going on between us!" A good
guy I thought (I still think he is though).
But why go through the trouble of telling me there was
nothing going on?!? I figured from that day that there
was INDEED something going on. Shit, they probably
watched a movie I brought her together! lol
What am I to do now?
????????????????????

NOTHING.

I have to stick it up my ass, be "happy" that at least
I like the guy and he SEEMS good for her and that's it.
Is it?! Don't know I feel like I'm going to explode!!!

What makes me mad though are these feelings of ...
well ... you know, the usual.
I'm not worth it, bla bla bla like I don't matter, like
what the fuck am I doing here, is he better than me,
is everyone better than me, etc. Just like a fucking
suicidal bitch. Like always ... I guess that's why I get shit
from everyone.

Should I be worried, fuck no.
She has a right to be with whomever since in her eyes
I'm not "right" for her (and I would love for this to be wrong,
BUT IT ISN'T .. I guess I let her down?!?! Or was she the one
that drowned me?)

Should I give a fuck?
Don't know ... I guess I cared for her more than she did for
me... that is what always happens to me. I end up caring
so much and thus end up hurting ... I still have not
learned how to fuck over someone without any guilt.
I will probably never learn anyway ... frankly I don't
want to learn that ... I don't want to be a FUCKING FAKE like a
lot of people in this Fucked up world (I.E. Look at the post
before this one ... Some Men just suck -- some women too! ;) )

I said like a month ago that "A new life was going to
start" for me ... I guess it hasn't ... maybe it will
never begin since I don't know what to change in me if I have to!

Nevertheless,

"Brille el sol o se nuble el cielo,
aprovechare los momentos, tratare de revivir.
Te sacare de mi mente, de manera urgente
y volvere a descubrir.

Que el amor existe,
que valgo la pena,
y volvere a SENTIR por alguien que me quiera.
Alguien que me desee,
que me tenga en su mente,
y que vea la vida de otra manera.
Espero ....

Una nueva vida, comienza para mi.
(Una vida sin ti)
Y buscare "gente" que sienta lo que sentia por ti.

Me estaba (y estoy) volviendo loco
Muriendome poco a poco.
Pensando en lo que hice bien (o no hice) o hice mal.
Pero Al carajo esto,
creo que ya es el momento de algo nuevo buscar
(tu lo hiciste ... y muy rapido y CERCA pienso).
Y en ti no voy a pensar
Y en ti no voy a pensar
(aunque se me haga imposible ... que malo) "

Excerp from: "Nuevo Comienzo".

Now, Is all of this REALLY what I'm thinking?!?!?!
hehehehe FUCK NO! (People who know me will know
what I'm REALLY thinking! FUCK DAMMIT :p).

"The QUIET THINGS THAT NO ONE EVER KNOWS!!!!"

Bye.